"I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him. " Song of Songs Ch 3

So I read that bit over and over again eventhough it was not the theme of my lesson. Though it was not the theme of my lesson - it has been the theme of my life for the past while.

Almost two years ago, I started this journey of independence and solitude. I enjoyed both the challenges and the adventures. I am single and fabulous! However, earlier this year, I made a less-than glamourous decision. At the onset of turning a quarter of a century, I devoted some time to introspection - evaluated what part of my life I was happy with & what part of my life I wanted to change.

Career: very very well
Equity: growing at a healthy rate
Vacation/leisure: fabulous
Friends: excellent
Family: marvelous
Men: shit

To be very clear - I was not and am not disatisfied with my relationship status - single. I was disatisfied with the patterns I kept repeating. I always surrounded myself with some magnificent men: I would play, I would hurt or get hurt, I would leave. Each time my heart growing colder - my disposition more cynical.

So I decided to build up my relationship with God firstly and then concentrate on other things. I started learning and teaching the Bible at church and most importantly, I swore off men who were not followers of Jesus. Because how could I be with someone who didn't understand my single passion, which is Jesus.

Then I struggled with my decision (some readers might recall the men behaving badly blogs...) Finally, one week when the burden was particularly heavy - I did something uncharacteristic - I admitted that I was struggling with my decision and I admitted my fears to my small group. (A small group is a group of Christians formed to encourage one in their spiritual walk with Christ - we gather weekly to pray, read the Bible, and share our struggles)

And I cried out to my small group ladies - and I cried out to God.

"Why is it so difficult to follow Christ?!?!?!!! WHY IS GOD TESTING ME?? Does my decision to date ONLY Christians equate me being single for life? WHY IS THERE NO ONE FOR ME??? I just need a sign - to see that there are potentials out there somewhere - just one sign!"

So they listened & prayed for me. But secretly, I felt foolish for showing weakness and emotion in public.

Two days later, God brought someone into my life in the most random manner. And I am still speechless - delightfully happy - but speechless. Please understand that it is more about God listening to my cry for help - than it is about the guy. The new friendship is far too new to comment on - but I know this much is true. Just like that, God took my cynicism and showed me that He cares for me and listens to me. While I do not know whether or not things will work out with the guy - I know that things will always work out with the BIG GUY upstairs.

So this is my testimony: March 26th, 2004 was the first time that I could tangibly tell that God listened. And I know that it is because I surrendered - fully surrendered myself to Him.

So now isn't it perfectly obvious as to why I am single and fabulous? :)