to b or not to b....

b = baby.

everyone around me at church and work are popping them out like nobody's business. i am at the age where it makes the most sense. to minimize the complications in life, my parents live really close by...REALLY close by and can help out...we are financially able to have babies now...we've been married for about 2 years now...life is good...so what is holding mother nature back???

ME

i have long since given up coming up with excuses and stories of why "now isn't the right time for P and I to have kids". The other night, a 23 year-old challenged us on our decision. He was not the only one to do so - recently, people feel that they have a right to know and ask me these questions on a daily basis. So i figured that the only way to fight unabashedly-obscenely-personal questions is with brutal honesty.

i don't hate kids. but the thought of actually being with child right now makes me shrudder. i love the fact that i am free. i am also not hung up on having babies biologically. i figured that the best way to fight the "biological clock" (a term i despise and am convinced that a bunch of chauvinist gut-showing nasty men invented) is to outsource. if i am not ready to have babies until i am 40-45, i will adopt from the motherland.

now i doubt that will be the case, but i just decided to rid myself of any constraints that would force me into a decision. i was a one-woman island long before i met PP. i blogged unlessly about being single forever and never settling for just anyone - not changing what i wanted for the sake of fitting in, having the perfect image. now why would i change this life philosophy and settle on having a baby now just cause i received some pressure to do so?

i felt the need to blog because i went to this amazing bbq tonight and ate like a pig. and i spent the rest of the night holding in my fat-ass tummy in fear that people would assume that a baby and not a whole italian sausage was inside my belly!

anyways, so i guess for now the answer is "...not to b!"

Fall

Today I saw an older gentleman come into the gas station and ask for scotch tape. I saw that he was sticking a really nice leaf he found on the front of a manila enveloppe. I just thought that moment was very poetic. He took the time to look for something beautiful and precious and he wanted to share it with the recipient of his letter.

This time of the year brings about a huge amount of nostalgia and sentiment. The beauty of the seasons changing is that it physically reminds us of the finality of any situation. And the possibility of something different and new in the near future.

There have been many situations recently that are leading me to believe that I am actually really maturing and growing up. A couple of weeks ago, this crazy biatch freaked out at me and my sister over something incredibly trivial. 5 years ago, I would have seriously reacted and gave the woman a piece of my mind. Instead, I cooled down and turned a negative situation into a positive one. Later, this woman came up to me and apologized for her bad behaviour. It doesn't seem like a big deal as I am writing this down - but for me, it was a huge moment. My mercurial and impulsive nature is giving way to the more rational and poised self.

I wonder where I will be and what I will be thinking about this time next year, next Fall.